But I am just coming out of an extended, serious depression. It started in April. I didn’t get online for three months except to read fanfic. (BBC Sherlock is my imaginary boyfriend.) Hell, I didn’t even talk to my mother for two months, and she’s one of my two favorite people in the whole world (the other being the Valkyrie). I was a wreck. I started feeling a bit better a couple of weeks ago, but yesterday my doctor had me add Ritalin to my daily medication cocktail and I’ve actually gotten out of bed. Better living through modern medicine!
So this post is going to be a rather long life update…
The Naiad stayed all weekend. It was really fun, the three of us just lounging around the den, playing video games and talking. She’s very sweet. Even MIL really likes her, and said so to my best friend (who usually gets the unvarnished truths and not the polite comments she gives me). There were also a lot of sexytimes for the Valkyrie and Naiad, some of which was done in front of me (much to my delight).
I had a couple of small freakouts, but the Naiad was not phased in the slightest. The Valkyrie got upset at something (for good reason) and again N was fine. And V and I had a minor quibble and N was shocked that that’s the extent of V’s and my arguing. She’s used to lots of screaming and drama. It was kind of sad, how very grateful she is for every little kindness we show her. I used to be like that, after four years with my abusive ex. Poor girl. She’s this weird combination of brassy no-nonsense intellectual who can tear apart any argument, and scared naive girl. I just want to hug her forever.
Sexytimes! The Naiad apparently fancies me a little. I’m not sure what to do about it. I can’t have sex without a shirt on because of dysphoria, and I’m not sure what I want to do with/to/for her. So I’m happy just watching them play around, for now. They’re very, very sexy together. Two pretty trans girls, both of whom are very kinky and like showing off. Oh, poor me, having to be around them. Hahaha. Although Saturday I felt like crap for a little while, and I fell asleep next to the two of them when they were getting it on. Very sad.
I had to drive N home at 5:30 this morning. I am so tired. And I probably gained 5 pounds today because of that damn Russell Stover outlet I posted about earlier. I want to sleep, but I still have to go back out to the pharmacy. *yawn*
I didn’t get much sleep because of driving the Naiad home at 5:30 this morning (*yawn*), and I was sick this weekend, but yesterday and this morning were awesome. The Naiad spent the night in the guest apartment with the Valkyrie, although the three of us hung out a bunch too. She is SO NICE. And she’s coming out of an abusive relationship and is so timid and I want to scoop her up and save her from the universe. And then shower her with presents because she has a beautiful smile and she deserves happiness. She’s totes adorbs. And I think she may be smarter than me, which is slightly intimidating but also makes her more interesting. She has a razor-sharp wit and a scientific mind and I maybe have a little bit of a crush on her myself. *blush*
My MIL is a little confused about the whole thing. She keeps asking me if I’m okay with it, and this morning I was all, “They’re just so CUTE together!” and she did the confused head tilt. But she loves rescuing strays, be they people or kittens, and she wants the Naiad to be safe and happy, although she says that if the V&N relationship ever starts breaking my heart they’re dead women. MIL is very protective of me and loves me like I’m her own, which is really sweet and I’m grateful for it. But I suspect everything is going to work out well, considering that MIL is nagging her to get out of her current situation and come live with us immediately. (The Naiad is remaining in her emotionally abusive ex’s home until January when the ex can afford child care, which is honorable but dangerous to N’s mental health. She works from home, so she minds the kids before and after school.)
The Valkyrie went out on her first IRL date with her internet girlfriend today. Hmmmm, I need a moniker for the girlfriend. I think I’ll call her the Naiad. Neither of them drive, V because of her disability and N because she doesn’t know how yet. (We will be teaching her soon, though.) So I chauffeured. V and I picked her up (she lives an hour from us) and went to Panera Bread for lunch. I sat on the other side of the restaurant to give them some privacy, which was fine with me. I read my book and enjoyed my food. Every so often I’d glance over to see them deep in conversation, big smiles on their faces, and it made me so happy. The Naiad is really easy to get along with, and she gives good hugs, and I think the Valkyrie has good taste in partners (ahem).
Because we couldn’t go back to her place for reasons, we found a semi-secluded spot to park the car so they could make out. This led to the hilarious yet very sexy scene in which I was in the front seat playing lookout while two pretty girls got to third base in the backseat. Eventually there started to be people in the area, so they fixed their clothes and I drove around aimlessly for 45 minutes while they snuggled, made out, and cooed to each other. It was so fucking adorable. Sadly, she had to be home at a certain time, so when we dropped her off there was much kissing and angst over parting.
The Valkyrie has been on cloud nine all day, and to be honest I’ve been around cloud seven myself. Seeing my girl so happy makes me happy, and the two of them together are sweet and sexy and it was really comfortable. I didn’t think I’d be jealous, and I was relieved that there was no trace of it. Just delight for the Valkyrie’s romantic bliss. I’ve been poly since I was a teenager, but it’s never felt so right as it did today.
I have to go to her town for a meeting on Saturday morning. I might be picking her up and bringing her home for the weekend, if she can get the scheduling right. At any rate, I hope she can stay over soonish. We have a guest apartment, and the lovebirds could use some alone time. <3
Ten years ago when the Valkyrie (my wife) and I got together, I was seriously into polyamory. I was seeing her and a boytoy both for a while, but V’s and my relationship was too new and she’d never been poly before. So we were monogamous for years, happily so.
Things started changing about the time she realized she was trans. In the last two years she’s had online relationships with a few women, and is currently seriously involved with two women and has a FWB thing with a third. She’s so happy and giddy that I’m glad she has these other relationships. Part of it is a self-esteem thing, I think. As in, she never had any, and thought that maybe I was a fluke. But when you’ve got four people all wanting to be with you, well… she’s outvoted on whether or not she’s wonderful. I hate that her father made her feel so bad for so many years, that she doesn’t realize how special and beautiful she is. But maybe her girlfriends and I can convince her otherwise.
Last night I dreamt that she left me to live in a trans feminist lesbian commune. I had to laugh at myself when I woke up. Yeah, okay, sometimes I get a little insecure. Not a lot insecure, but it’s hard to have a spouse who identifies as lesbian when I’m not a woman myself. She’s become this wonderful activist and I’m so proud of her, but there are parts of her life I’m not part of. I get a little wistful for the days when we could share everything. But seeing her so happy is worth it. I love her so much, and I love the glow she has when she talks about her girlfriends. Happiness is beautiful