Just a bunch of stuff I feel like rambling about. Warning: I got carried away and this is very long.
A friend on a knitting forum said this to me today:
I saw something the other day that said you shouldn’t stop liking things that were related to your ex. Even if that ex introduced you to those things, or was an ass, or they broke you. Because the things you started to like didn’t hurt you, it was the person. Let the things you loved become part of your history, not theirs.
I needed to hear that, because I’d done something emotionally questionable.
My evil ex wore these fantastic engineer boots. Every day, all year round, all the years I knew him. I always loved them — not because they were his, but because they’re fucking awesome boots. I happened across them on Amazon the other day and was reminded of how much I liked them. I decided, fuck that guy, I wanted a pair. I had to get the women’s version, because now that I’ve lost weight none of my men’s-size shoes fit (they’re all too wide now). Zappos had them for the same price with free overnight shipping, so I bought some. (I had a problem with a Zappos order years ago, and they gave me a VIP account to make up for it. Handy.)
They arrived today and they fit and I think I love them. But I was feeling guilty for loving them. Was there something wrong with me for wanting boots like his? Am I going to be okay with a reminder of him on my feet? And then my friend said the above, and I started thinking that maybe I’d be fine. Because they really are awesome boots, and they look amazing on me. I should get the Valkyrie to take a picture later, to show you. I’m going to own these suckers, dammit. Because seriously, fuck that guy.
Kittens: Eris is back to being his normal self. He and Loki climbed all over me when I sat on the floor about an hour ago, and then Eris very vocally insisted on dinner. Like I could deny a hungry invalid… Ten minutes after I put the food out, the Valkyrie and I medicated him. He took two doses of liquid meds, given with syringes. He took them like a champ: annoyed but not really struggling. He didn’t hide afterwards, and in fact wanted more petting before running off to play with his brother.
Feet: I wore the bigger pair of Docs around the house last night. They were comfortable enough that I wore them to lunch today. (I would only be walking from house to car, car to restaurant, back to car, back to house.) They were still comfortable enough after lunch that I braved Target to buy new socks. Had to walk allllll the way around a Super Target to get a couple of things besides socks, and they were very comfy. I wore them a total of four hours, and only had to take them off because my socks were too thin around the tops of the boots and it was starting to get mildly uncomfortable. I am very surprised and totally happy about this, especially given the responses to a post I made on my favorite forum about breaking in Docs. I got some serious horror stories and figured I’d be shipping them back on Monday. But no, I kept forgetting that I had them on, which is an excellent sign for footwear.
While I was in Target I got flagged down by an elderly woman. “Sir? Sir!” I stopped and turned around. “Do you work here?”
“Are you on break?”
“No, I don’t work here.”
She sighed heavily. “Okay…”
I was assumed male twice today, actually, and once on the phone. Since I think my voice is too girly I was pleased to be called Mr. LastName. It was cool.
Kittens: I am happy to report that Eris is doing better! Turns out the dry kitten kibble I bought made his little tummy hurt. He’s all back to normal and bouncing everywhere in a most kittenish way. Loki never stopped bouncing. He also insists that if the Valkyrie or I walk into the bedroom, he must be held and petted for at least a full minute or else he will look really sad and grab our ankles and mew pitifully. It’s adorable.
Boots: I had ordered Docs in my size. They were too small. Ordered a pair in the next size up. A little too big. I have discovered that the bigger pair feel fine when worn with thicker socks, so I’m trying that for a bit. Just wearing them around the house for now.
Weaving: am 6″ into the shawl and I’m digging the way it’s coming out. I’d take a picture but my iPhone is currently upgrading and thus unavailable.
Other stuff: didn’t get to sleep until 6am, so didn’t wake up until 3pm. Sigh. And of course I got depressed because I was 5 hours late on my morning meds…
First off: got my hair cut.
I really like it. I think the back needs to be just slightly longer, a 4 on the clipper instead of a 3, and I wasn’t thrilled with the blow drying that made the top really straight. In reality if’s naturally wavy and I like it better a bit messy-looking. I’m also contemplating something like this but shorter:
Morrissey had awesome hair in the 1980s, and while I will never be that sexy, I think that would look good on me.
The Doc Martens came in and are the wrong size. Yay for free shipping and free returns. The button-down shirts came in and are excellent. A few ties showed up, and those are also excellent. Tomorrow I will be perusing YouTube because I’ve forgotten how to tie a tie. And then… pictures!
It was a little weird, talking to my hair stylist this afternoon. “I want short, queer, and punk,” I said. She messed up the last part when she blow-dried it straight, but I can fix that. I don’t know why it was weird. It’s not like I was just coming out to her today; she knows I’m genderqueer. Maybe it was specifically saying “queer” in the style description. As in, “I don’t want to look like a cisgender heterosexual.”
Anyway. Tomorrow: pictures of my attempts at hairstyling, and some new clothes. Fun!
For the last couple of years I’ve been living in either casual button-up shirts and chinos or T-shirts and cargo shorts. I’m getting kind of bored with it. I stopped wearing jeans because they weren’t comfy, but today I remembered that some cuts of girl jeans were easier to wear. So I’ve ordered a pair of girl jeans to try out. Not thrilled, but I want to wear jeans again and comfort trumps the gender of the my clothing.
I also found a pair of Doc Martens 1460’s for sale and fuck yeah. Sadly, they are also sized for women, because most guy-sized boots are too wide for my feet. Sneakers and sandals are fine, but boots not so much.
The good thing about these is that neither the boots nor the jeans look girly, they’re just sized for people with female-sexed bodies.
I hope everything looks good and fits well, because I’m gonna wear the hell out of button-up shirts and ties in the near future. Speaking of which, where did I put my Cat in the Hat tie..?