In need of purpose

My life has no purpose.  I don’t mean that it’s worthless, or that I’m suicidal.  I just feel adrift with no direction.  For years my goal was to finish college, and I did that in December, and then volunteering didn’t work out, and…  I need something to do that makes me feel useful but doesn’t tax my sanity.  I have a few small projects, and I do things like reading and making things with wool and playing my cello, but it’s all just a way to fill time.  I’m too crazy to work, and while most people think anyone will take volunteers, most places won’t take someone who can’t be reliable on a set schedule, which is totally understandable. I’m sick of people saying “you should volunteer!” like doing so is the easiest thing in the world.  Volunteering requires a modicum of stability and the ability to interact with other people to some extent.  A lot of days, I don’t have either.

So I drift.

My sister found her calling a few years ago — teaching high school students about history and government — and when she talks about her job, her whole face lights up.  I’m over the moon for her, and I want something that makes my face do that too.  It probably won’t be a career, not with the way I am, but… something.  Something useful that I can be passionate about.

I hope I find something soon.  I’m tired of not having an anchor…

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