I don’t think I like my job anymore.

I’ve had a few working meetings with my co-workers, and they all keep misgendering me.  It’s dreadful.  The really funny part? They’re all liberal hippie types. But they’re privileged liberals: white, cisgender, heterosexual, and not poor. They think they’re all enlightened and shit. But every single meeting is misgendering. Except my boss, although he’s clueless about how to fix it.  Seriously, when I told him today that I’m not attending the meetings anymore because of it (and would prefer to meet with him alone), he asked if he could have me attend the meeting by speakerphone so we could all discuss it.  That was both baffling and insulting.  The last meeting I went to, he announced in front of my co-workers that he’s sending everyone to sensitivity training because they talked about it (behind my back) and decided they want to improve.  That’s great, but he did it right in front of the people who were causing the problems.  It was humiliating.

The thing is, normally I don’t care what strangers call me; I know who I am, and I’m happy not being the manliest man on the planet, but these are people I spend hours with, and it makes me question myself even though logically I know it’s not right. Am I that girly? Does it mean I’m not trans enough? Like I said, I know logically that these thoughts are stupid, but I can’t help but think them. And it’s affecting my ability to do the job, and it’s also sent me into a bad bout of depression. Not cool.  I don’t want to quit, I believe in the project we’re doing together, but it’s making me really unhappy.  Maybe I should just quit…

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