Since I wrote yesterday about my current sexuality, today I’m posting a mini-rant I just wrote on a forum I frequent, in a thread for trans people to talk amongst ourselves. Someone was asking if we were involved with community at all, and here’s what I wrote.
I feel very much on the outside with the trans community. I have no in-person experience, except for my ex-wife and her girlfriend, but online… it seems like among some trans guys there’s a cult of masculinity. I absolutely have the wrong body parts, but I’m androgynous-presenting and dig it. I’ve completely socially transitioned — right name, right pronouns — but I haven’t done anything physical. Top surgery isn’t covered under Medicare yet, and I don’t want to do hormones because… well, I don’t want to pass as a regular cis guy. A rather large percentage of cis guys, even queer ones, are jackasses who don’t understand their privilege. I think of myself as more “transmasculine” than a true FTM. I can’t really do hormones for medical reasons anyway, but I don’t want to shave or start balding or anything else. I’m six feet tall and broad-shouldered. I got called “sir” half the time even when I identified as female. I’m naturally androgynous (or else look like a very butch lesbian, depending on who you ask). I love my body except for the sexual bits. If I could have exactly what I have now but with a flat chest and a real cock, I would die happy.
So I’m an outlier, and get looked down on by a lot of the online trans community for it. Trans guys aren’t supposed to say “ew, hormones, no!” and are supposed to care about passing. I don’t give a damn if the clerk at the grocery store calls me the wrong pronoun. I know who I am. I just want a goddamn dick.
I don’t fit in with the queer community either. I’m quite all right with that, too. Took me years to reach that point, but fuck ‘em.
Sorry for ranting, it’s just… yeah.
So there we have it, me being pretty happy with my gender expression except for the tits. Could totally do without those, thanks…