Musings on sex

I’ve had sex on the brain lately. Not just lusty thoughts, but… sexual philosophy?  Like, I’ve been thinking about what might happen the next time I go to bed with a cisgender man (which is what I want right now), and I realized that I’ll be really interested in learning more about what my partner likes besides just… friction.  Not in a submissive “let me please you” kind of way, but as equals.  I’m more interested in learning a partner’s whole body and how we relate to each other physically and mentally in bed.  I’m also not entirely sure what I like anymore, having not had sex beyond just fingering in years (and only a few times of that; my choice), so I’m interested in exploring my own reactions to stuff.  I know some things I still want, but I need to re-learn my sexuality.  Experiment.

I don’t know if this is a matter of age or gender transition or what.  But I think it’s pretty cool.  I’ve felt sexually pathetic for a decade, because my ex-wife and I weren’t very compatible in bed and I felt like a failure for it.  Which is sad, since for years before that I was confident that I was a decent lover and rarely had any complaints (although I know I’ve always been crap at blowjobs, thanks to PTSD triggers from childhood sexual abuse).  Now that I’m thinking about getting laid again (not dating, nothing romantic, just sex) I feel unsure about some things but confident that if I go to bed with somebody I can talk to, we can figure out how we work together.  It’s not rocket science, after all, and as long as the guy isn’t a selfish prick then it’ll be fine.  (And I respect myself enough to just leave if the guy’s being an asshole.  I don’t need a lover, and I’m not going to put up with a bad attitude in or out of bed.)

Maturity FTW!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *