Life changes

The Valkyrie and I are getting divorced.  It’s amicable and we’re still chatting, but we’re both very different people than the pair who married almost 11 years ago and it just hasn’t been working.  We care about each other but we’re not in love anymore.  I wish her lots of happiness.

So I’m in my hometown for good.  I’ve always loved it here.  If I ever leave again it won’t be for a very long time.  My family is here, the character of the town is wonderful, the area is lush with old trees and lots of greenery, and I should be able to get employment if I’m ever sane enough.  I think grad school is going to be out of the equation, at least for now.  Social workers don’t make enough money that I could easily carry a $22K student loan.

I intend to be single for a good long while.  It’s annoying to have my sex drive back, because I don’t want to get involved with anyone even enough for an anonymous Craigslist hookup.  Thank goodness for sex toys.  I admit that there are a couple of guys I’d have sex with, given half a chance, but one lives in Orlando and has a girlfriend, and the local one has never shown any interest in me that way.  Which is for the best.  Because human interactions are messy and I don’t want that right now.

I’m dealing with a lot of financial changes, too.  Money-related stuff under the cut, since it’s boring to everyone but me.

I’m going from an upper-middle-class life where I didn’t have to worry much about money, to having to pay my way for most things on a monthly disability payment.  (I don’t have to pay rent, thankfully.  Mom is nice that way.)  Adjusting to being broke is weird.  I’m finding myself proud for figuring out how to save enough each month to pay for one of my cello lessons, for example, and for finding out that because I have Medicare I get half-price bus fare.  (I have to give MIL her other car back at the end of this month, and won’t be able to buy a car for myself until January.  At least there’s good public transportation here, and a bus route with a stop at the end of my street!)

Speaking of cellos and buses, Mom is being nice enough to let me drive her to work on Tuesdays so I don’t have to take the cello on the bus.  Because that would kinda suck. Especially since it would take two buses and a fair amount of walking to get to my cello teacher’s house.  I mean, I have a wheeled case, so the walking wouldn’t involve carrying the cello (thank fuck), but it would still suck.

Honestly, finances will be better once I finish paying off my cello (November) and my MIL (December).  And I’ve been paying off my tiny credit card every month; after this month’s payment in full (which I already budgeted for) I’m going to stop using the card so I’m not spending what I don’t have yet.  The only reason I’ve been using it at all is to build up my credit score, and I’ve done enough with that to be happy for the time being.  That’s the sole reason I got the card in the first place.  Now I can save it in case of emergency and nothing else.  I’d rather not carry any debt.

Except of course I’ll be getting a car loan in January.  But it will be a smallish one, as far as car loans go, because I don’t need anything fancy.  Reliable, okay-to-good gas mileage, working A/C, and enough space to fit the cello and/or another human.  Oh, and not a boat. Other than that I really don’t give a fuck what I wind up with.  (I will miss having a backup camera though.  Those things are awesome.)  I have a used car dealership picked out, one that everyone in town swears by, and I’ll go in and ask what they’ve got when the time comes.

I have a lot of spinning fiber, purchased before the break-up, so everyone will be getting handspun/handknit things for Christmas.  That’s easy.  I also own a shitload of books I haven’t read yet, and between that and the library I’ll be fine for reading material.  (It’s so nice to be in a town with a good library system again.  MIL’s city’s library was awful by comparison.)

I miss my cats terribly, but I couldn’t afford to take them to the vet until after New Year’s so it’s better that the Valkyrie keeps them, at least for now.  I desperately want to snuggle them again, and V says I can visit them anytime I want, but since I won’t have a car… yeah.  Besides, it would be awkward going there post-divorce.  I don’t want to go back except to get my stuff.  Which may be a while because moving vans cost money.

So things are tight but I’m optimistic.  Hopefully things will continue to go well for me.  I’m so glad to be home…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *