Being trans, three years on

Three years ago, as of last month, I realized I was not cisgender.  Genderqueer, I thought.  Being a woman never felt right to me.  I enjoyed getting called “sir” by cashiers and waiters, even when I was wearing skirts.  (I’m six feet tall and built like a cis guy except for my chest and vag.  Same body shape, broad shoulders, etc.)  I always figured I was a really butch lesbian except that I also liked guys.

While I am 100% certain I am not a woman, I still sometimes waffle over whether I’m a man or a non-binary person.  Maybe I am NB, and fluctuate between androgyny and masculinity.  I so frequently identify with women, but without feeling like I am one.  I don’t know.  Do other trans people get confused about exactly what they are?  The Valkyrie and the Naiad are both confident in their womanhood, even if they worry about their outward appearance and expression sometimes.  I like “he” as a pronoun, but every time someone refers to me as a man I feel a jolt of weirdness.  I dunno.  I know that whatever I am is fine and is okay to be, but I’d kind of like to have a gender identity of some kind.  Being confused all the time sucks.

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