Gender, sex, and psych meds

I’m lactating.  Left tit only.  I think it’s because I accidentally went off my thyroid meds for a few days.  Antipsychotics can cause lactation, and I’ve had that problem before (on Risperdal), but it hasn’t happened since I went on thyroid meds.  It’s strange enough on its own, but add in gender dysphoria and… ugh.

This inspired me to write about two things: breasts, and thyroid.  Thyroid first, because it’s shorter.

What happened with my thyroid pills: Every Sunday I fill up a 7-day pill case.  I didn’t have enough levothyroxine for the whole week, so I called my pharmacy.  I had no refills, but they said they’d call the doctor.  And then Tuesday was the Valkyrie’s surgery, and I just forgot until the weekend.  And I slept most of the weekend.  And most of yesterday.  And until 2pm today.  The Valkyrie got angry when I told her I was out, which is reasonable.  She sent me off to the pharmacy and I got four pills, enough to last me until the doctor appointment I made for Thursday.  I took one, which may explain why I’m wide awake and have been Getting Shit Done: cleaning, doing a ton off my to-do list, and even cleaning out my email in-box.  Woo!

Now, for the less fun topic: boobs.  And sex.  Two things that go great together for most people who aren’t gay dudes, unless you’re transmasculine and desperately want top surgery.  I had to touch my left nipple to check out the lactation, and it reminded me of the last time I deliberately handled my tits for any length of time.

If you don’t want to know anything about my sex life, stop reading here.

About a year and a half ago I took up with a cute little submissive boy who lived in Canada.  It was Skype-only, and it was fun in the beginning, but…  He was bi.  And I believed he thought of me as a guy.  But when we fooled around on camera I wound up playing the female role, and touching myself as if I liked my girl parts.  I wasn’t doing it for fun, I wanted to turn him on.  And that’s part of why I broke it off.  I don’t know how to sexually relate to men as a non-female person, and trying really upset me.  Relating to women is pretty easy.  It’s frustrating, though, because I’m attracted to men too, and a lot of my fantasies involve cis guys (well, cis guy bodies, anyway; I don’t usually fantasize about particular people).  It would be nice to have a fuck buddy or casual boyfriend, but he would have to be very, very understanding, and be willing to help me figure out exactly what I want.  Just thinking about it feels weird, even though I like dick.  Maybe someday…

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