Boytoy feels

There’s this guy I used to be FWB with, ten years ago.  I was seeing him when I met the Valkyrie, and ended it when V couldn’t handle polyamory.  Former Boytoy (FBT to make typing easier) was 19, bisexual, adorable, well-hung, and bratty in the sexy subby way.  But I had already realized I wanted to marry V so I went monogamous.

Fast forward to this last Tuesday.  I had been thinking about FBT for a while, weirdly thanks to LCD Soundsystem videos because the lead singer reminds me a bit of him.  I asked V if she minded me messaging him.  She said no, it was okay.  So I friended him on Facebook last night and we chatted for a couple of hours this morning.  It was both great and depressing.  Great because he’s doing well, he’s happy, and he posts naughty pictures of himself on Twitter.  Depressing because he’s got a community he’s a part of, and I miss having more in-person friends.  BFF is awesome and wonderful, but I’d also like some trans/queer IRL friends.  Even if I have to drive down to Orlando to see them, it would be worth it.

Wednesday I was supposed to go to a trans social mixer but couldn’t because I was sick, and to my surprise it really hurt when I couldn’t go. (I’m writing this in the doctor’s office, actually, for a follow-up because I’m not getting better.)

Maybe I should ask FBT if he can introduce me to some trans people in the area. He knows some, and I don’t really care about people’s fetishes. (FBT is a furry. So are his friends. I am not bothered by this.). Yeah, I think I’ll do that…

The other depressing thing was just being reminded that I’m fat and not sexy and dysphoric. He didn’t say those things. I just felt that way. But the community thing was the harder part. I get lonely.

Back in the exam room now. Messaged FBT. Cross your fingers for me that he’s willing to introduce me to a few people!

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