I *knew* I didn’t take my meds!

All day I was saying, “I feel like I didn’t take my meds.  Something is wrong.”  But because the pill box for this morning was empty, I assumed I’d taken them and just forgotten.  that’s happened before, but I just felt so wrong today that I knew something was fucked up.

I just went to take my  night meds… and somehow, I’d put the morning dose in the same box as my night dose.  So all day’s doses were in the PM compartment.  WTF, self.

I had a disconcerting experience this afternoon, related to the lack of medication.  I went to the bathroom, and as I was washing my hands I looked up in the mirror.  It seemed like a different person.  I knew it was me, logically, but it didn’t feel like me.  Being a psychology geek I knew I was experiencing the same disconnect between facial recognition and emotional recognition that people with Capgras delusion have.  And there was a double layer of strange because I was aware that I was able to diagnose what was happening even as I was experiencing the symptom.

When I told my BFF about this experience an hour ago (as I put shawl panel #2 back on the loom because it wasn’t long enough, sigh), she thought that was so fascinating, that I have that level of awareness about my illness.  I laughed and said I don’t always, but she’s right in that frequently I am aware that I’m having symptoms.  Like, when I hallucinate, I can tell they’re hallucinations most of the time.  That’s very rare.  I just wish the knowledge would make the hallucinations go away.  Before I got on my current meds I tactile hallucinations of crawling insects on my skin.  I knew they weren’t there, but I could still feel them and it was so awful.  Not as awful as really thinking they were there would be, but still awful.

So I’ve taken my night meds, and will hopefully begin to feel better soon.  Aliens is on cable, and I have six more inches of shawl to weave…

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